It’s less than a month away from my 29th birthday. I’m lost in so many ways. Career has gone no where, I’m single, and borderline broke. Things I’d never thought I’d be at this age. It’s like everything they teach you when you’re growing up has nothing to with growing up. What I continue to learn now is that being an adult is hard and I don’t think it get’s any easier.
As an adult, I’m constantly trying to figure out how the remain child-like and care-free.
Completely opposite of when I was younger searching for my adulthood. But, atlas, I must face myself being an adult. Realizing that the dreams I had as a kid are fucking hard work! Constantly working to figure out my path in my career, while watching everyone around me seemly having it figured out. Now that’s stress added to my plate and another thing I must avoid in my search for a happy life.
Speaking of happy, Facebook news feed is definitely popping up some happy babies lately. Something I have no desire in pursuing right now. Although, I have been in search of “Mr. Right” and seem to be only running into “Mr. Right Now’s”.
How do people find their fucking soulmate? Or is there such a thing?
Do we just find someone that we can live with for the rest of our lives, rather than search for someone who sweeps you off your feet, wine and dines you, and then doesn’t try to sleep with you?
Let’s take my recent candidate I met on a recent trip to New York. I went with no intentions of meeting someone, but ended up meeting someone. I went with my good friend to her friend’s boyfriend’s birthday shindig. They had a dope backyard and I was definitely feeling myself in my black ripped jean’s and white cropped tee. Of course I scoped out the gentlemen to only see which one’s I had eye’s for. One hipster type wearing all black, shorts, graphic tee, and cap. Short, dark and handsome. A little scruffy but in a good way.
Second nominee was a little more clean cut. White tee, jeans, cool sneakers and the cutest curls I’ve ever seen.
Of course I wasn’t there to pick anyone up, but a girl likes to look. With no intentions of talking to them and just wanting to enjoy my night, I ended up in a conversation with Mr. Clean cut. We seemed to hit it off pretty well, I got instant vibe of attraction to him. I couldn’t really explain why because he didn’t do anything special or different than anyone else there.
He just seemed different, unlike the guys I meet back home. He invites us to a bar. I immediately decide yes, without telling him I will say yes. After he left, of course I texted him and told him we would meet up. The night went well, he took me home and I was ok with never seeing this guy again.
Of course he wouldn’t talk to me again, I thought, but I was wrong. This guy persistently tried to convince me that he was interested in me. Told me the things every women wants to here. “I’m not looking to date….I’m ready to commit to someone…I like you”. Boy did I get myself into some shit believing this bs, but I give people the benefit of the doubt.
I’m a pretty reasonable girl and I’m ready to settle down. If we are compatible I’m willing to make it work.
Long story short, after him being MIA for a week cause he was leaving his job in New York, Moving to Minnesota and into a new job he ask me to come visit. Minneapolis is a beautiful city, him not so much.
What I concluded from all this is that I was manipulated into a situation I didn’t even care for in the first place. Come to find out this guy still has feelings for his ex. He asked me to come out and treated me like I wasn’t even there. The only perk was that he was a good host and we hit the town, but he closed me out and left me for dead.
Of course, I’m not the one to hold grudges and I’m over the situation which only took a week. It’s getting easier each time. It’s just funny how he said so many things he didn’t mean, but I believed him. How can you not believe someone who says everything you want to hear?
In the end, it’s not my lost. I’m probably one of the strongest people I know cause I can put up with many things that others can’t. It’s just another lesson learned as an adult and adulthood seems to be bringing on these lessons for me hard and quick. Which has lead me to document my last year in my 20’s. I call it the year of lessons and figuring out who I really am. So if you’re digging it, let’s continue our chat tomorrow. It’s a new modern day and a new lesson to learn.