I overestimated my ability to journal every day and I feel off far. Its been months since I’ve been back here and as everything I start, the finish line never see my final step. I feel that this is a position I’ve been in for the past six years. That I’ve come so far, but I’ve reach no where close.
It’s like I’m living in a fantasy in my head. Like I’m not in reality and I don’t know what that is. I’m constantly chasing my tail not knowing that it is my tail, but when does this end? When do I find the salvation that I seek? It’s like everything I touches crumbles and I can’t put the pieces back together so I move on from it because it’s easier. Maybe I’m not cut out for these dreams that play in my mind. Maybe this is my life and that I’m suppose to go with the monotony of the world. That I’m suppose to fall in line with everyone else. That I don’t have what it takes to be where I want to be.
I just need help. I need to find a way. This is not the life I want to live. I need more. I want more for myself. How can it not come true for I feel it burning in my soul.