On my own.

A world without you is not a problem.
It is the world with you that causes the dispute.
My mind wonders into autumn.
As the memories of you fall like leaves.
The only thing that has stayed behind,
Is the warmth of the spring.
I’m fine on my own,
But I’m slightly bothered by your sting.
I let go of all that was you,
But your name still seems to ring.
When will I just be able to fly free again?
Solo like the pearls in the sea.
I slowly feel the power of my reign,
As I once again stand fully on my two feet.
The more I move forward the less I feel alone.
and slowly I begin to fill up with peace.
It was a lesson I’ve been taught,
and now I can finally find my release.

 

Stuck.

Feeling a little stuck, but I know where to go, I just don’t know how to get there. It’s such a weird thing to go through. Trying to find my way to the passions that excite me and make me feel some type of way.

When I think of my destination it is a sure thing. I feel as though it is right before me and that I’m currently in that moment. My grateful heart grows with even more appreciation. But then I open my eyes and I realize the journey there feels so far away.

There are so many obstacles that are getting in my way. One by one, I try to knock them down, but then another presents itself. Once one has been achieved the one that I had knocked down before pops back into my life like a never ending revolver.

The only thing that keeps me going is this vision I have that feels so real. I know that this will be reality one day. There’s no doubt in my mind, but for now I must fit my way there. Build up my story to be able to encourage others that life may not give us what we want, but it sure as hell gives us what we need whether we like it or not.

The only thing that keeps me going is this vision I have that feels so real. I know that this will be reality one day.

The more I see, live, believe and have faith in the path that lies before me, the more I am ok with the constant bumps along the way. It is just apart of what the universe has in store for us. This is what makes us stronger as human beings. THIS is what we live for.

The dating game.

Why must dating be so difficult? The game of it just wears me down. I would like to just find someone I like and am attractive to as well as them attracted to me. Then we just make it work. The fact that I have been to vulnerable lately has left me with no takers.

I am in a place where I feel that I am ready, but life keeps telling me not yet. It’s hard to want to continue dating when I keep getting heartbroken. All this makes me want to just be alone. Seems to be easier, but those times when I crave that human touch brings me back to the idea of dating. When you mix human touch with attraction that is when the fireworks are lit. They haven’t exploded just yet, but they are ready to.

I think it would be nice to finally be able to share my life with someone. To be able to argue about keeping the toilet seat down, having someone to play with when you’re bored, or when you need someone to talk too they are always there for you. These would be some of the things I would want in a partner.

See I have been riding solo for some time now. I’ll be 29 in 12 days. Wow, writing that made me feel some type of way, but seriously only a year until thirty. I should have had a good relationship by now. I’ve either been with guys I didn’t like much or I was in short relationships that I should have never gave the time of day because they only took advantage of me.

I’m tired of being taken advantage of. The people close to me know how amazing I am and no one should be able to deny that. My goal is to really hold back. Not let anyone in to soon. Make them really work for me. From what I’ve gone through this is my goal and I will stick to it this time.

Mentor needed.

Life is like a big blurry cloud sometimes. I don’t know what I’m doing and I don’t know what direction to turn. How does one figure this out on their own. The thought of paying someone to direct my life seems a little ridiculous, but is it?

A perk of having a life coach would possibly bring less stress into my life which I need. Also, actually visualizing the steps I need to get there would be amazing. I constantly try to do this on my own and it never works. I’m writing things down and trying to plan for what’s next but it feels like I’m going in circles.

This has been going on for sometime now. I’m always trying new things and seeing what fits. Nothing ever fits, but I’m not sure anymore if it will ever fit. What is stoping me from finding out what my life is meant to do?What purpose do I serve and how will I find it? Is it right in front of me and I don’t even know it?

I’m in a steady battle when I toss these questions around. Maybe I should just bite the bullet and investor in a mentor. I’ll probably sit on a for a while as I do most things that cost money.

Memories of you.

You come and go in my mind so often I can’t decide whether I really want you to come or go. It’s still so fresh, but I feel the need to get over the memories of you because they make my stomach cringe and I remember why I no longer hear from you.

There are times in my day where you cross my mind, but you were only a small moment in my life. A moment that was selfish when you decided to cross my path. Then you treated me as though I had no value, less than, but you did’t realize you were wrong. Yet, I still enjoy that I feel you around.

Then you treated me as though I had no value, less than, but you did’t realize you were wrong.

You were never good for me. I made the decision that made you feel you had me. I let you in to soon and never gave you the chance to wonder. My mistake that I live with now. The mistake I made so many times.

This will be the last time I make this mistake. I really what to challenge myself to resist falling to soon because it has lead me no where. I’m tired of being alone, but I’m also tired of being heartbroken and I the thought of being alone outweighs heartbreak.

Each time I think of you I have let you go. You are only a memory that I dreamt at night. With that I am ok and I’m ok with you passing through. Sometimes I wish I’d hear from you, although, I may not. I am ok with that.

Appreciating where I am.

There are times I wish I was so much more than where I am today. I ask myself why am I not working harder and beat myself down when I don’t have a good answer. I look at all the things I am doing wrong and what areas I could improve on.

It’s like a constant battle with myself everyday. Always trying to figure out my next move and how it could better than my current situation. I think we all go through this. It causes us to worry with anxiety and to be self conscious of what others may be thinking.

It’s like a constant battle with myself everyday. Always trying to figure out my next move and how it could better than my current situation.

But what about those days when we sit back and appreciate where we are and what we’ve already accomplished. In fact, no one really teaches us to do this. We are taught that we need to make millions of dollars and live in luxuries, but will that really bring you happiness? As I get older, my doubt grows and I am no longer in line with this.

I have learned that money isn’t the answer. It definitely is a nice thing to have, but what is really important is the fact that we find happiness within ourselves. Money won’t give you that.

The moments I sit and really am able to appreciate where I am are the best situations. I can literally feel my gratefulness within my heart and in my soul. It’s probably one of the best feelings in the world and I wish we all experience it.

These times that I feel grateful are usually random, but they remind me of a good life I’m trying to create for myself and all the struggles I’ve overcome on my way there. I believe that I will be far greater than I image. That I will be able to help the world and really make a difference in peoples lives. My vision of gratefulness shows me the way every time I feel it and I just need to be patient and understand that I am growing. This growth will help me become the person I feel I will be and every time I think of the obstacles as such, I believe ever harder.

These times that I feel grateful are usually random, but they remind me of a good life I’m trying to create for myself and all the struggles I’ve overcome on my way there.

So take the time sit down and really think about where you are, how you got there, and why you are grateful and the answers you seek will begin to show themselves one by one.

Moving forward.

We have to move forward in so many ways. Whether it’s our career, family, love life, there’s always a time we have to just suck that shit up and keep going. Time won’t stop for you, you can sit in whatever you’re stuck in for that moment, but time will move on and you have to move with it.

So how does one get over whats holding them back to move forward? Acknowledge it. See it for what it is. Learn from what ever happened and grow. Accept the emotions that come with it. Then move forward. It may not go away right away, but time will help.

One thing I know is that I have let time consume me many times. I’ve blamed it for my mishaps or my pain. I’ve asked it to speed up and slow down. Has it ever listened to my request? No. So what must I do if I cannot control time? I just have to believe that it is on my side. I cannot fight it anymore.

I just have to believe that it is on my side. I cannot fight it anymore.

The hurt, pain, happiness, excitement change with time, but I get to control those emotions. Feelings are an essential part of how we live. They are apart of our everyday lives. When we are affected by actions in time, we can control our reactions.

I don’t enjoy the feeling of sorrow and pain, but I will sit with it as long as time allows and until I can change my perceptions of how I feel. I will eventually find my happiness again after time move on an I move forward.

Pursuit of Happiness

Life is hard and doesn’t get any easier, but in the struggles of living we need to find happiness each step of the way. Now that, I must say, is not easy. There are days where I can find it so easily. I know what I need to do, who I need to be with and where I need to go.

Other days it is hard. I struggle not to wear my emotions on my face. I fight a smile when all I want to do is be alone. I do everything I can to find the happiness that I once had, but nothing works. It’s like I’m forcing myself to hard that it’s impossible to be happy.

When I get to moments like these, I’ve learned that I just need to sit through the pain. I need to let myself experience the terrible feelings I have even though I want to run from them. I need to understand that they are only temporary. What can I learn from what has brought me down? There’s always a lesson in every turning point of our lives. This is why we struggle. We are here to figure out how to be the best versions of ourselves, our purpose to serve others, and just live this life.

I need to let myself experience the terrible feelings I have even though I want to run from them.

Happiness make everything better. Laughter make everything easier. Growth makes everyone stronger. We need all these things in our lives to really enjoy who we are. In order to succeed we need to understand how to stay positive as much as possible.

Today is obviously a good day for me. I’m writing about happiness. I feel that I’m finally freeing myself from the past pains and growing from the experience. I’m in a great place today, I know tomorrow may be another day, but I will not worry about the future has in store. I will live in this moment right now. Feeling the goodness inside me and appreciating what is now.

I’m in a great place today, I know tomorrow may be another day, but I will not worry about the future has in store

I’m so grateful for who I am, the people that surround me, and the opportunities that come my way. Thank you.

Life is beautiful.

You know we tend to sit in our misery a little to long. It like a natural thing that we fall back to. What if that wasn’t the case. What if the world saw things in a positive light when they were brought down or sad. In fact we probably would not be sad at all.

Everyone should stop and smell the roses more the one time a day, including me. I’ve been depressed because someone rejected me and I can’t let it go yet. This simple this has controlled my mood and made me somewhat unhappy. As each day passes, I get better. My bitterness is leaving me and I’m seeing more good around me.

To be grateful for the life we live is the best way to live. I try to be grateful everyday, although when life hits me in the face with something I don’t want, it’s hard to beat it off.

We go through these challenges to grow as individuals. The older I get the more I realize that life is about working your way through anything, figuring out how to overcome life objections, and moving forward with that new knowledge that you have received.

To be grateful for the life we live is the best way to live.

So how do we stay positive? Think about all the good things in your life. Try and do stuff that makes you laugh. Hang out with people you enjoy and can be yourself with. Tell yourself that you believe in you.

I feel good today. I feel like I’m getting over what happened to me. Soon I will be back on track once again. Maybe I will have a fews falls on my way back to the top, but I will continue to push myself to keep going. Like Beyonce says “winners don’t quit on themselves”.

Moving On.

How can one move on when the memories, thoughts, and pain won’t leave. The mind is so powerful that it tells me I cannot let this go yet. So when will I be able to step forward once again? Tomorrow? Next week? Time can be a shitty and uncontrollable thing to deal with.

I feel that I am going through all the reasons in my head why I need to just let it go, but it stays lingering. Like a nat in my kitchen that every time I try to swat it somehow escapes to nag at me again.

I’m a good person, why do I end up with bad people? The stories we tend to tell ourselves as though these people were really worth our time are all lies. After they use us, it takes us sometime to realize the truth and that we were just a pod in their little game. Maybe I just need to stay out of everyone’s game and make up my own.

Maybe I just need to stay out of everyone’s game and make up my own.

My game will go a little like this, I will live my life, mind my own business, love on my own self and not allow anyone to just waltz right in because they know what to say. Only the one who cut’s out their heart and places it in the palm of my hand will be worthy of my attention. The game will involve a lot of be ducking and dodging like Mayweather in all his fights, leaving without a scratch.

I would consider myself a very nice person, but I have be played with one to many times. My new self is a straight up a selfish mother fucker. I’m about to fuck some people up, try me fools cause I ain’t playing your games no more. Step into my arena and see how long you last.